After waging a war on the tumors ravaging my liver, and working years to rehabilitate a damaged spine from a car accident, the doctors told us it’s just not safe. IVF proved that with the influx of pregnancy hormones and blood flow, my liver could rupture. If it doesn’t, I could be paralyzed from the weight of the baby pulling on my disgusting spine. More than one specialist has confirmed it’s just too high-risk for both me and the baby.

Adoption isn’t an answer to infertility. Children that are adopted should be a number one choice, not an alternative.

In addition to this, please realize that we do already have our own biological children waiting for us as frozen embryos. It would be the cruelest form of torture to ask us to discard them and replace them without trying to bring them to life first.

Hollywood has painted a picture of how beautiful and wonderful adoption is. But adoption is often traumatizing for both the children and the intended parents. For a child to go through this, while also feeling like their new parents “settled” for them, would be devasting and shattering to their wellbeing. It would create an environment that is inviting disaster for their mental health and self-worth.

No child deserves a home where they weren’t the first choice.

Yes — we’ve actually been asked this.

People often assume that if you can afford to have a child via surrogacy, you must be financially set. The reality is far more complicated.

Most health insurance plans do not cover a pregnancy when the fetus is not genetically related to the person carrying it. That means every ultrasound, exam, lab, medication, and hormone injection is paid entirely out of pocket. The birth itself — regardless of how smooth or complicated — costs tens of thousands of dollars.

Many people never see these costs because insurance typically absorbs them, leaving families responsible only for a deductible or copay. In our case, we are responsible for every single expense.

In addition to medical care, we are also responsible for the surrogate’s lost wages, travel, childcare, and other pregnancy-related costs required to ensure her health and stability throughout the process.

This does not mean we cannot provide for our child. We will feed, clothe, love, and spoil our baby endlessly. It simply means we are not millionaires.

Yes — a family member who I believed loved me, actually asked this. It has haunted me ever since.

To be clear: my liver is currently clean and stable. However, exposure to pregnancy hormones — particularly estrogen — causes it to react by rapidly forming tumors. Outside of that risk, I am otherwise healthy. I am not diseased.

As for my spine, I have made tremendous progress. I began regular treatments in the spring and started new medications that have significantly improved my mobility. I went from occasionally needing a wheelchair, to a walker, to a cane — and now I am able to walk mostly on my own. I am leaving the house more often without assistance, and I am doing very well.

That said, healing is not linear. My spine remains too fragile to safely carry a pregnancy. Pregnancy would require stopping the medications and treatments that have allowed this progress, and the added physical strain would likely reverse much of the healing I have worked so hard to achieve.

Surrogacy was not an easy choice — it was a medically necessary one.